“The last sound is not the end of the music. If the first note is related to
the silence that precedes it, then the last note must be related to the silence
that follows it.”
Daniel Barenboim
‘Everything is Connected The Power of Music’
We cannot hit the delete button and expect the music to suddenly stop
immediately, leaving no trace. The music continues to resonate from the past,
into the present and then flows into and informs the future.
Ripples of sound
flowing ever-onward: inward and outward even in what appears to be the silence
following the music. The absence of the music contrasts with the prior presence
of the music and can make us miss it even more.
This is perhaps related to the grief we feel when a valued relationship ends - when we are cut-off
from that person physically.
We might say that the music created by the presence of that person in our life
still resonates in our hearts, even in their absence.
So, there is no point in denying the presence of our lost loved one within the
silence of their absence. Perhaps it’s better to acknowledge their presence and
the connection we will always have with them, despite their absence. This seems
to me to be a nourishing and healing approach.
It does not deny, de-value or discard the other person or the shared past. It
does not cut-off the other person and unilaterally disconnect from them. It
does not punish or condemn or obliterate them from our past. This is not
freedom from the past, this approach actually ties us to the past.
All cutting-off does is avoid and deny and 'hook-in', which, it seems to me,
can never lead to true healing or personal evolution and development. Avoidance
leads to suppression, rather than true freedom and liberation.
We must engage with the past fully, unconditionally and bravely in order to
process it, release it, set it free. Otherwise, the past - the very thing we
are trying to avoid - becomes trapped within us.
Maybe this is why both music and silence are so healing - they can both help
process grief and a broken heart. And maybe this is also why buildings
like concert halls and cathedrals are so important to the bereaved and the
heartbroken. They are sacred spaces in which music fills the silence, presence
fills absence and where we can connect with those people and times we still
love, even in their absence.
I read this recently:
“Only if we can honour the past can we be
nourished by it.”
I’ve thought a lot about this - it’s very true. That
is how we find continuity in life. All the highs and lows, mistakes, successes,
joys and sorrows are part of the irreducible whole, which flows from past to
future and which is comprised of both absence and presence. Absence and
presence cannot exist without each other.
It's important to continue to remember and honour all the shared 'small moments' - both
during presence and in absence.
Allow yourself to cherish what freedom there is in silence.
