Why do I lack confidence?

She said: “Remember that you should be able to feel confident (relaxed, satisfied, happy etc) without completing the work issue or being able to run – it is not what you do or accomplish that defines you!” 

June 2011

Why do I lack confidence?
It’s simple, I lack confidence because I tend to compare myself with others. Specifically, I compare my achievements (or perceived lack of achievements) with those of others. The problem with this is that it leads to a never‐ending feeling of discontentment and dissatisfaction. It leads to a perpetual drain on my energy resources. Ideally, whatever I do would be performed from a state of Being, which is pure contentment in that moment, pure acceptance of that moment. The joy I will then have in Being will be translated into the joy of Doing, which is the joyful energy of this moment moving into the future.

Is my lack of self confidence because of how do I define myself?
Basically, yes. I have always defined myself by my achievements and I have achieved a lot. I wanted to make people proud of me, especially my Dad, but it should be enough to be content with my achievements. I tend to imagine others achieving better things that me – it’s a competition thing! From an intellectual point of view, I understand that there’s no point in comparisons, and I know this in my heart too. All I have to do is just recognise any thought patterns related to unworthiness, lack of confidence or low self‐esteem as and when they occur, embrace them and accept them because they help define who I am now. I need to know where I am now in order to grow into the future. The first step is acceptance of the unique person I am and that person exists now. The unique person I am now is a consequence of all the events of my past – all the opportunities to learn.

Who am I now/who is the real me?
The real me is revealed when I relax into myself and be contented with the way I am. This has nothing to do with where I am physically or what I am doing. This is about an acceptance of myself to myself as I am. This is not to deny the possibility of evolution and growth, but there is no need to make it a necessity, no need to turn it into a mountain climbing, race running, exam passing exercise – it simply isn’t! When I relax into myself, I am able to gain a new perspective on myself and therefore of everything around me. I am seeing myself from the inside, rather than from a position outside myself – the position that others usually adopt because of the illusion of separation. However, being centered in myself isn’t an ego‐centric position, it is from a position of love and connection. In fact, because nothing and no‐one is truly separate, the only way to truly connect with others, to truly love others, is through peeling away the layers of the illusionary me, so that my true self shines out. That inner light is the real me, so I should not be afraid to let it shine! It is actually all about being non‐judgmental and loving, while at the same time being observant of myself and my state of Being, my feelings and therefore my actions. If I am non‐judgemental about myself, it is easier for others to also see the real me and to be non‐judgemental about me because they see I am transparent, I am crystal clear in all ways ‐ there is no ulterior motive, what you see is what you get (WYSIWYG!) ‐ the real, confident, relaxed, satisfied, happy and contented me.
 

Allow Yourself to just Be,
Be Here,
Be Present,
Be Now.

Melt into the Moment,
Allow Miracles to Happen.

http://theseagullspeaks.blogspot.com/2010/05/surrender.html